absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
