Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
