I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
