she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
