FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
