You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dignity is for republicans.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
