I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
