So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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