i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
