oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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