I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You pole danced in your parka.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
