The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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