I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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