i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
