Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
