You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
