I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
