FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
