Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i came on her dog
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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