My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
