You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
sick fucks of a feather flock together
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You are a genius and a whore.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
