U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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