Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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