i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
