I think i sorta joined a cult last night
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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