I faked an abortion last night.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
