The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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