So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
