Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize