hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
