I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
