i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
