my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
