Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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