My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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