so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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