walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
