you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
where are my pants?
in the oven.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
