you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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