There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
