at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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