oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
