Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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