remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
