My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
