I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
