just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
