you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
