My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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