I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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