It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
