I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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