Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
