finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize