Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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