First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
