Im at strip club and am horny
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
