grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
