He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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