i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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