May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
