Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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