I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
