so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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