I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
