Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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