Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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