I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
