Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
