true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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