Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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