three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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