She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
All I want is dick and wine.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
