am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
