I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
